A Soundtrack for Lent: Week 3
Here’s the third offering in Alli’s “A Soundtrack for Lent” series — one song each week that informs and enriches our Lenten pilgrimages. Some weeks, the songs and hymns will connect directly with our Local Table conversations. Other weeks, they’ll simply invite inspiration and introspection. Below the video, Alli reflects on why she chose “You Say” by Lauren Daigle for Week 3.
What happens when my “good” isn’t good enough?
I am an Enneagram type two, often referred to as “the helper.” For those unfamiliar, the Enneagram is a basic personality test, similar to Myers-Briggs, and I am all for it. According to the Enneagram, twos have an intense desire to be loved, which motivates us to serve others. I certainly identify with this and find it validating that I have chosen the correct career path for myself (shout out to the Emergency Department at Duke Regional Hospital where I work full time as a nurse and get to serve my sick and injured neighbors). On the darker side, though, twos are also known to have a fear of being unwanted, a fear of inadequacy. And yet again, I can relate.
I found myself feeling this when recording my third “soundtrack” selection, “You Say” by Lauren Daigle. I kept getting frustrated when my voice would crack, and I was not able to quite reach all the notes. I felt so incapable every time my fingers went to “C” instead of “D” on the keys, or when I would forget the words halfway through the song. I found myself getting wrapped up in my imperfections, and I kept telling Brent, “Okay, we have to do this again.” Until finally he said, “Enough.” To me, it may never have been good enough. There will always be little imperfections that I will focus on. Lauren Daigle puts it so beautifully, and reminds me that when I find myself feeling like I’m not good enough, I can find comfort in the fact that “You have every failure, God, and You’ll have every victory.”
Sometimes I find myself getting caught in an undercurrent of negativity, with crashing waves of feeling inadequate, waves of feeling too powerless to create change, not talented enough, not experienced enough, not GOOD enough. Right now I’m working on swimming with this current; I’m working on loving where I’m at right now. I’m trusting that I am held, I am loved, and that His love is greater than any I can offer to myself or to others. I will work on acknowledging my shortcomings, but not letting them prevent me from living out the more positive side of my type two personality, to do good and help others, and love like He first loved us.